"Man, my grandma gave me these delicious apples from the tree from her backyard."
<"Ew, dude. Do you know what apples even are? What fruit is?"
>"Uhhh, it's the tasty part of the plant. Duh."
<"No man. Just no. You don't even get it. The apple isn't the tasty part of the plant, it's the uterus of the plant."
>"What the balls are you going on about now? That's ridiculous."
<"Is not, it's completely true. Think of it like this man. You know how a flower is basically like, a plant's vagina?"
>"...What?"
<"Yeah, flowers are a plant's sexual organs. They use them to have plant-sex."
>"You've got issues."
<"And see, when the plant gets plant-pregnant, the bulb at the bottom of the flower is where the plant-baby gestates. Kind of like how the uterus at the back of a vagina."
>"Is this what you think about all day? Is this seriously what goes on in your head?"
<"And see, the plant-baby is actually the seed. You know, the core. And the skin, that's the wall of the uterus. The flesh of the apple? The part you eat? That's the placenta, man. You're eating tree-placenta."
>"Why do you have to tell me these things? I don't ask. I didn't want to know this. You're a horrible friend."
<"Listen, I'm just trying to keep you informed. You need to know what you're eating here. And in this case? Placentas. Your grandmother gave you a big bowl of uteruses and you're going to eat the placentas."
>"You eat apples all the time!"
<"Yeah, but at least I'm not in denial about it. You've got to keep everything in the right perspective. Scrambled eggs? That's chicken menstruations, man. Chicken menstruations."
>"...We can't be friends anymore."